Ep 167 – Change Your Appearance (Are You Shallow?)

Dani:

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of vegan proteins, muscles by Brussels Radio. My name is Dani.

Giacomo:

And I’m Giacomo, and this is episode 167.

Dani:

So thank you guys for the feedback on the car episode. You guys seemed to like that quite a bit, so we’ll definitely do that again in the future.

Giacomo:

I love road trips, so please and honestly tell us where you want us to drive to and give us a reason to go somewhere.

Dani:

What is he even saying?

Giacomo:

What do you mean?

Dani:

Tell us where to drive to?

Giacomo:

Yeah, be like, I want to see a podcast of y’all driving down the 101 in California. I don’t know.

Dani:

Oh, my God.

Giacomo:

Could we do that?

Dani:

You’re insane.

Giacomo:

Kind of.

Dani:

So, yeah, this was a wild week. Like we said last week, it was gonna be a wild week. It definitely was. Gosh, I got my. Well, first Dracula got his permanent teeth in, which is so exciting. They look really, really nice. And then I had the Lasik surgery, which was really an interesting whole process, and I’m still healing from it. You guys, I’m sure, can’t see it in the video because I’m too far away, but I have big red spots in my eyes still.

Yeah, that was a. It was fascinating. They really, like, value you up before you go in, and I was grateful for that because you’re getting your eye cut open and lasered into, and the laser is loud, guys, did you know that? I thought the laser would maybe sound like. Pew pew. Yeah, it sounded like an MRI machine. I was not prepared. I was prepared for the smell. Other people had told me, you can kind of smell your eye burning.

Giacomo:

What is the smell of the burning cornea smell? Like?

Dani:

Kind of like burning hair, actually.

Giacomo:

It was funny because that’s what I was imagining, actually.

Dani:

Yeah. And, yeah, it was. I could not tolerate any light at all for, like, 24 hours afterwards. But now my distance vision is really, really good, but my close up vision is still adjusting. Definitely still adjusting. But so far, I would say I’m glad I did it. But so many eye drops. So many eye drops.

Giacomo:

Hey. By the time this episode goes live, we will have already announced that we have our 2024 planes built team. So it’s safe to give you some of the detail about that. We’re going to be competing at two sporting events for the first time ever. We’ll be at the USA Fit Fest in Florida in September, and then we’ll go back to Miss America, which is in Tampa, Florida. Yes, Tampa, exactly.

Dani:

So, yeah, our CrossFit team will be in Tampa in September, and all the other teams will be at Mister America in Atlantic City in October.

Giacomo:

And we have a highly competitive crossfit team. Some of the best crossfit athletes in the world, bar none, obviously, they’re vegan, duh. And one is flying in from the Netherlands, another is flying in from the UK. We have many athletes here as well going to break ground at the USA Fitfest. And hopefully, if all goes well, we’ll be able to bring even more athletes there for future years in Tampa, Florida, where if you wind up competing there again, we will.

And then at Mister America, we have lots of new athletes as well. We have UK’s strongest man flying in. Angeline’s coming back from France is France’s strongest woman. And we have lots of other exciting athletes in general all over the place. Actually, there’s too many to mention. And they’re all, honestly just as good as one another. I’m so excited about the team, I don’t even have the words honestly.

Dani:

And this is kind of funny. So I made this promo video and put together this promo video last year or really early. Yeah, hadn’t been last year. Yeah, at the end of 2023. And I put it together and had to put it on our YouTube channel, but leave it as unlisted because we have to send it to certain people. But today I made it public and I didn’t realize it was going to like show up as brand new in everybody’s newsfeed.

So now that plant bill video from 2023, everybody’s seeing it right now. Like it’s brand new. So hey guys, check out the YouTube channel if you want to see how 2023 went down, what plantbuilt is all about, that video definitely explains it.

Giacomo:

If you want to volunteer, if you are in the new Jersey area, or specifically Atlantic City or the Tampa, Florida area, or if you want to come out to volunteer with us, many of.

Dani:

Our students come out to cheer them on, come out as a spectator and cheer on the team. They would always appreciate that.

Giacomo:

Come, don’t be shy. Don’t even think twice about it. Literally, the opportunity of a lifetime to be around that many vegan athletes, it.

Dani:

Is really like crazy. There are not very many experiences that I’ve had, like the plant built meetups that happen. It’s wild. I can’t put it in words, but if you’ve been there, you know, if you know, you know. So that’s not what we’re talking about. And this is going to be a shortish podcast because we only have so much time to do this so we are talking today about this phenomenon where people feel guilty or vain or shallow for caring about what they

look like. And it’s just a phenomenon that I wanted to talk about and also kind of just let people know, you know, at least that I think it’s okay to care about what you look like.

Giacomo:

Absolutely. And for us, I feel like this is a particularly noteworthy topic because we literally work with people who want to change the shape of their body by way of putting muscles. So it’s not just about what you wear. It’s not just about taking care of yourself and looking good. It’s about your body looking a certain way as well. And hopefully not feeling shame about that.

Dani:

That’s what I was going to say. A lot of them do want to change their body, but a lot of them feel weird about saying that out loud because there’s this stigma. Actually, they kind of said it in the Barbie

movie, if that. That speech at the end of the Barbie movie, it’s so, so good. But there’s a part where she says, she’s talking about how difficult it is to be a woman and all of the conundrums of being a woman.

And part of it was like, you have to be, but you don’t want to look like you’re trying to be thin, and you can’t talk about being thin, and you have to talk about loving all bodies, but you also have to be thin. And, you know, in the fitness world, thin might not be the adjective, but it still feels like that. Where a lot of people want to see couch shoulders or see their abs or build a juicy butt or whatever, but they, what they say is like, I want to get stronger.

And I love that because I love non aesthetic goals because it’s something that I feel like you have more control over. But the shame around wanting to look a certain way, I feel like is like, too bad. And I know we grew up very, very differently in this regard. Your family, very much, they all care very much how they look, how they dress, how they present. Yeah, talk about that.

Giacomo:

Yeah, well, my family is all about keeping up appearances and going to parties and celebrations and making these big gatherings and events. And I feel like because of that, they wound up caring very much so about their image because it was about being able to wear a certain suit or dress or go to a certain event and be proud of the way that they looked. And they would literally, that would be their main motivation, honestly, even for changing their body in many different memories

that I can think about honestly. But with that came the shame and the confusion around, even still around caring about it, even though perhaps arguably, in some ways, they cared about the way that they look a little bit too much.

Dani:

Yeah, of course, you can go too far in that direction, I guess. And with your family, it’s not just, like, the body. It’s the clothes, the shoes, the house, the car, all of the stuff. And that is so different than the way that I grew up because, like, we weren’t. We weren’t fooling anybody at any point in time because we had. We had very little.

Giacomo:

We had no money.

Dani:

We lived in a crappy house. We drove a car that broke down, like, at least once a week. But beyond that, in terms of, like, personal looks, you know, I feel like every teenager especially tries to develop some kind of personal style. Right? Like, that’s just part of growing up. It could be a cool part of

growing up, too. I think so. Certainly I remember developing my own personal style, which I’m sure you guys can imagine was something.

It definitely was something. But because I was kind of more like the brainy kid than the jockey kid, like, it was almost kind of, like, looked at as gross for wanting, like, even giving a shit what you looked like. You were so smart and evolved and forward thinking that caring what you looked like was, like, beneath you. So your family might have been, like, snobby about the way they look. Snobby about something else.

Giacomo:

Yeah. And they will wind up being judged. Like, who do these people think they are, trying to look good all the time, thinking they’re better than us, this and that because they’re dressed up or going for all sort of beautification type things, getting their hair done or this or that. And it’s like.

Dani:

Like the stereotype, like, oh, there must not have a thought in that.

Giacomo:

Yes.

Dani:

All they do is care about what they look like.

Giacomo:

Well, you want to get put down just because you want to look good, for example, which doesn’t exactly feel good.

Dani:

I mean, I don’t know. That didn’t happen to me, so. So I don’t know. But I do remember, like, of course, of course. Even. Even those kids, like, do care what they look like. Otherwise, why would they pick out certain clothes? Why would they wear certain makeup? Why would they wear certain jewelry? I had, like, the biggest ball chain necklace.

I still have it. It’s still here somewhere. Big, chunky shoes, those janko jeans. Listen, I’m happy to see all this stuff come back, but you don’t do that stuff if you don’t care what you look like, so even to

pretend to not care what you look like is kind of a lie. But I truly didn’t really care what my body looked like ironically, until I started losing weight, which was like an accident.

And then all of a sudden, I was like, oh, oh, maybe I can do this. But even as I was trying to change what my body looked like, I felt like, this weird shame around it. Like I was becoming more shallow or vapid or stupid for wanting my body to look a certain way for the first time in my life.

Giacomo:

Did that wind up getting worse? Did it sort of level out? Or do you still deal with it in some way?

Dani:

It’s hard to. No, I don’t think that I feel shame or anything about wanting to look any particular way now. But I also have really broadened my horizons of, like, what I’m happy with my body looking like. Like, if I’m really lean, like, I like how that looks. If I’m not and I’m, like, a little bit fuller and more muscular, I’m perfectly fine with how that looks, too. So, like, the definition has broadened, I guess. But, yeah, it definitely got worse at first because, like, trying

people to be like, what are you trying to do when they see me, like, eating a certain way or training a certain way? And, like, at the time, the answer was not, I want to get stronger. I didn’t care if I got stronger or not at the time. I wanted to, like, look good, but I didn’t say that I wasn’t like, oh, I want to be hot as shit. Like, I had to be like, oh, I just love it so much. And it’s really empowering and this and that, and it can be both guys. You can say both.

Giacomo:

Exactly.

Dani:

You know?

Giacomo:

Right. There’s no, there’s nothing weak about saying, I want to be able to play with my grandchildren when I’m 80 years old and have tons of energy. I want to be able to live long and have a strong body with strong, healthy bones. I want to be able to feel comfortable in my clothing. I want to focus on being stronger. I want to feel confident in my skin.

We’re not going to belittle statements like that and say that those should not be the focal point. However, I do feel like if that is the only part of what you are saying to yourself and asking of yourself,

especially if you’re working on it with a coach, for example, you are short changing yourself.

Dani:

Well, only if somebody wants to change their body. There are lots of people out there that don’t want to change their body.

Giacomo:

Right?

Dani:

That’s fine. But if you do, like, it’s okay, you know, you’re not a bad body acceptance person. You know, a lot of people are big on body acceptance, which is great. Or like body neutrality. You can be all of those things and still want to change your body. You know, like every time you get a haircut, every time you wear a particular outfit, every time you get a piercing or a tattoo, like, you’re changing the appearance of your body and we don’t seem to bat an eye at that or like, feel

guilty about taking any kind of pride in any of those things. But we do kind of feel, like, weird if we say like, God damn, I just want, I want to try to look more like this and I just want to see some of that stigma get shaken off because you can have it always, you know, don’t put all of your, please do not get this twisted and put all of your value into whether or not you are achieving your goals, into what you look like.

That’s what I did in the beginning. Oh my God. That is a recipe for disaster because you can want to change the way you look, but it’s almost never going to be exactly what you had in your mind. So don’t get like married to it. You’ll be disappointed, but it’ll be what you look like as you move in that direction.

And it’s okay to be happy about that. It’s okay to be proud about being able to see lines in your delts for the first time in your life or like, oh my God, look at how much wider, denser my back looks. It’s okay. It’s your body. It’s your body to do whatever you want with, you know?

Giacomo:

Right. And I do think that people wind up having a deep seated fear around saying specific things even though they’re not what they’re focusing on. Like literally saying, I’m going to lose ten pounds in two, in three months or I am going to, I don’t know, change my shape, whatever it is. Like there’s fear around actually saying those things even though. And then if you have that fear and you don’t believe it, I’ll tell you what, you’re going to be less likely.

All the other things are going to wind up being ideals and you’re going to wind up missing the forest

through the trees because your process is not going to include the actual hard things. You need to focus on whether it’s weight loss, whether it’s muscle gain, whatever it is. Right.

Dani:

I think part of the reason people are afraid to say that stuff out loud is because they’re afraid if they fail. You know, if they tell people, I’m gonna do this thing, and then they don’t actually get there, they don’t achieve it, then, you know, people are gonna know that they tried and they failed, and that’s gotta feel crappy, you know? So it’s just, I can kind of understand why people wouldn’t want to say it, like, right out of the gate.

Build up some momentum first before you start talking about it. That’s how I am, also. But, you know, especially if you’re working with your coach and you want to shave three inches off of your navel measurement, like, tell us, don’t feel guilty or weird about saying so. Like, that’s literally what we’re here to help you do while keeping it all in perspective of other things as well, and not

having you lose sight of the big picture just because you want a smaller waist. And also, if the thing that you want is, like, not possible, we can also let you know that usually.

Giacomo:

Yeah, very easily.

Dani:

Actually, some people already have a very small waist, and they want to get more off of it, but they have a very wide ribcage. Like, it’s probably not going to happen.

Giacomo:

That sort of thing.

Dani:

That they want to get to. That’s the biggest one. People have a weight they want to get to. I get why you think that’s a good idea, but that’s probably not a good idea.

Giacomo:

Exactly. What other things do you wind up seeing your clients struggle with when it comes to. Let’s think about this. So we have.

Dani:

Being a bad feminist. I think people. Women that want to change the way they look feel like bad feminists because they feel like they’re conforming to some societal gender norm that they don’t want any part of in reality, which I get, like, nobody wants to be told what they should look like. But, like, just in our DNA, we are designed to want to be accepted, because, as caveman, if we weren’t, like, accepted by the group, we were gonna

die. They were gonna kick us out. We were gonna die on our own out there. So I think it’s just, like, imprinted in us to want to fit in. But I think people feel like bad feminists.

Giacomo:

Women, obviously, especially interesting. So they just wind up shooting themselves in the foot and not focusing on it at all because of the fear that they’re gonna be taken the wrong way. As far as how people see. Here’s the thing. The way people see you can shift based on your own personal perspective on what you want to do with yourself. And if you’re going to wind up unintentionally placing that, that degree of concern over how other people are seeing you and judging you, you’re

going to wind up missing out on the opportunity for you to have a perspective shift, for you to actually become the person you want to be. People just wind up seeing you differently when you show up in the world differently. And sometimes that it just doesn’t look good and you’re not taking it in good.

Dani:

Explain.

Giacomo:

So I have. So we’ll take a client of mine, for example, just had a conversation with them earlier this week about this, actually, which is why this came to mind. And she was like, I see this a list celebrity vegan as frail. I don’t want to be like that. I see other women my age as weak for the first time.

I don’t want to be like that. And I could just imagine stepping into this person’s shoes and saying to myself, oh, my gosh. Like, if I’m thinking that right now, I wonder how I’m coming across to others.

Dani:

Yes, I got you. So, like, your idea of what you’re trying to accomplish can shift a lot.

Giacomo:

But in reality, that she is literally, her perspective is shifting because that’s coming from within as far as what she wants to see. So if you have that much of a deep seated fear and that much shame around how others are seeing you and judging you, and you wind up shooting yourself in the foot because you can’t have the perspective you need to change yourself, guess what? It could happen.

Dani:

I’m mostly following. I’m mostly following you. I thought I was, and then you threw in a sentence at the end and I wasn’t sure. Okay, but I do get what I mean. I think I get what you’re saying. Like, there may have been a point in her life where she did want to look like that, a list celebrity look, look like a waif. And now her perspective has changed.

Giacomo:

I don’t even know. I mean, for me personally, I’m creating my own narrative around this. I don’t feel like this client is thinking these things. I just think of her and start to create different scenarios in my mind where I’m like, oh, wow. Like, it’s possible here that other people might actually feel this way. I don’t think she’s. I don’t think she’s an actual example of someone. I just say to myself, this is possible.

Dani:

I mean, I think of this frequently. Like, what I was mentioning people want to be accepted. Like, body standards have changed just so much, even in my lifetime. You know, when I was a kid, it was like women were trying to be as thin as humanly possible. If you told somebody they had a big butt, that was like the worst insult you could give somebody.

Now it’s like the highest compliment to tell a woman she’s got a fat ass. So that has changed. I remember I was thinking of this while you were talking. I remember when I was watching Buffy as a teenager, Buffy the vampire slayer, one of the best shows of all time. Angel, David Boreanes. At the time, I thought he was like a muscular hunk. And now when I rewatch it, I’m like, aw, he’s a little bitty.

Because what I have thought of as a muscular physique has changed so much in, not just in my life, but also, I think, in society as a whole. He was talked about on the show as a muscular hunk. And now, like, if there was a role for muscular hunk, he wouldn’t, even if he looked like that, still, he wouldn’t have been looked at twice.

Giacomo:

Well, for men, too, there’s all kinds of images for what is a stereotypical good looking male physique or figure or frame or whatever. And believe it or not, it’s not just the idea of a guy being really buff and muscular, which can push a guy into having much more weight on them than they should. And I, that’s the most common one. Honestly, it’s pretty tragic because have, carrying that much weight is really hard on your body.

Dani:

Yeah, well, usually you can, usually you can only carry more weight than your body can handle by unnatural means. So that’s part of it.

Giacomo:

And then the other one is like, like the act like the typical, like, skinny guy. Believe it or not, that’s a thing.

Dani:

I know. That was my type once upon a time. Yeah, believe it or not.

Giacomo:

It’s like, I get the idea of being lean, but I don’t get the idea of not having muscle. I remember having struggling with that because I wanted muscle, and it was like, what’s wrong with my muscle? Like this. You’re supposed to be strong. Are you kidding me? But hearing that conversation time and time again, like, that’s crazy.

Dani:

Yeah, it’s just, it’s just so fascinating. But, you know, at the end of the day, we just, I want people to remember that it’s their body, and if they want to change it in x, y, z direction, you know, always ask yourself why I think that’s important. Because if it’s because so and so said so, that’s not a great reason why. But if it’s like, because I just, I want to see what it looks like. I want to know what that feels like or whatever.

I think that’s perfectly find reason. Why do you get a tattoo? Because I wanted a tattoo, and that’s reason enough, you know? And I just don’t want people to feel so much shame around wanting to look a certain way or feeling like they need to have a reason to want to be looking that way. They need to have a competition or a photo shoot or a wedding to want to look a certain way. You can just want to look a certain way.

Giacomo:

Correct.

Dani:

Because you want to, and that’s fine.

Giacomo:

Yeah. You see a lot of that in our industry as well, that you need, like, a thing to attach to in order to look a certain way. When it’s like, no, you just. You want to be fit all the time. There’s nothing wrong with that either.

Dani:

Yeah. So that’s really all I have to say on this topic. I just. I mean, it’s short topic, but I think, like, I don’t ever hear anybody else talking about this. I even tried to do research on this topic. Like, what are some good reasons why it’s okay to care what you look like? And, like, the articles and stuff that I came across were, like, basically kind of saying the opposite.

Like, don’t put too much stock in what you look like, which I agree. But, like, if you have some stock in what you look like, it’s okay. Join the club. There’s 7 billion of us. Okay. Like, everybody does.

Giacomo:

Exactly.

Dani:

To some degree. So anyway, take it home.

Giacomo:

Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of vegan proteins. Muscles by Brussels radio. Stay in touch with us by hitting the contact button on veganproteinis.com and also on socials at muscled by Brussels and vegan proteins. Once again, my name is Giacomo and I’m Dani. Talk to you soon.

Dani:

Bye.

Giacomo:

I stand in the porn rain. You couldn’t even be out pick me up. Taking me for granted again.