How do you gain more confidence? In this episode, Ben & Giacomo explore the importance of finding intrinsic motivation, and how focusing on daily improvements rather than arbitrary goals can foster both competence and confidence.
📢 Highlights from this episode:
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How intrinsic motivation leads to long-term commitment
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Personal growth areas for coaches
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Developing social confidence
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Improving communication skills
👉 Tune in for an honest, relatable chat that goes beyond the highlight reels and into the heart of what it means to connect authentically.
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🔎 Related Phrases:
how to build confidence in fitness and life, intrinsic motivation, overcoming plateaus, daily habits, growth mindset, social confidence, how to boost confidence
Transcript:
[Ben:]
Everyone, welcome back to another episode of Vegan Proteins and Muscles by Brussels Radio. I’m Ben, and I’m Giacomo, and this is episode 203. Okay, Giacomo, you’ve got some lovely palm trees behind you.
I’m a little bit jealous. Tell me where you are right now and what you’re up to.
[Giacomo:]
I am in Orlando. I was just in Disney with my family and one of my sisters regrettably did not make it, but my other sister came, and my mom came, and they came with their family. So I had my two nephews there.
It was his birthday. It was a lot of fun. Now, we’re pivoting and we’re going to get ready for Run Disney, which I’ve never tabled at and I’ve never been to.
But from what I hear, you can collect medals as you progress. So we’ll be at the ESPN Center over here on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and then the racers will come to pick up their bibs and check out what else is happening on the grounds. I don’t know.
Supposedly, it’s a nice area, sports, ESPN. I bet it’s going to be pretty cool. But the thing of this particular race is that you run.
First, you do a 5k, then you do a 10k, etc, etc. So you get to the longest distance and you collect medals along the way. For us, it’s the opportunity to reach upwards of 150,000 people and let them know that a plant-based diet is the way to go and hopefully we can help change their minds and hearts.
[Ben:]
So, if I’m recalling correctly, you guys only recently have really started going back into the running endurance kind of world after mostly being focused on fitness people, bodybuilders for a long time. Am I reading the room correctly with that?
[Giacomo:]
Yeah, I think you are. I don’t quite know the exact reasons because I’m not privy to the conversations when it comes to when ideas are run up and down the flagpole for being strong. What I do understand though is that runners are not only a different demographic than what we typically hit because we try to reach different kinds of people, we have the ability to reach a lot of people at once because this particular sport, tons of people can do it and it just attracts larger crowds.
Whereas opposed to like a sports sporting event kind of expo, people come and they stay, but there are fewer people. So, I think that’s the idea behind going to different running events as opposed to sporting events like sports festivals for, I don’t know, gym sports.
[Ben:]
Makes sense. I think with the bodybuilding strength sport, that side of things, I think there’s less of a foothold, like it’s just less of a space that people are used to seeing vegans in. Of course, it’s becoming more common nowadays.
Whereas I almost feel like with the running endurance sports, people are used to being like, oh, okay, that makes sense because vegans are these lighter, more slender, skinnier people who are going to do these more endurance events. But it’s less of a stereotype to see like the big strong vegan. Of course, that’s changing, which is the whole point of vegan strong and all that you guys are doing.
But I think it’s cool to continue to reach those demographics too because I’m sure there’s tons of people, just the raw magnitude of people who are involved with like running or endurance sports compared to strength sports. I think it’s way more so. You probably have more absolute reach, I would expect.
Now, another question for you. Disney. What are your thoughts on Disney?
Did you grow up with Disney? Is it a big thing for you? Is it a newer thing for you?
Where are you with that?
[Giacomo:]
I’m getting drilled question after question. I’m curious to know what’s going on on YouTube, but sure thing, not a problem. I’ll give you a little insight into what I think about Disney and on a personal level.
Well, it’s not honestly anything that I fell in love with as a kid. I liked watching Disney movies and got into the stories and went to Disney. I was fortunate enough to as a child.
However, I didn’t fall in love with the idea of Disney or the Magic Kingdom or Disneyland. Anything like that. But our friends did and when we got closer to our friends that we made as adults, Danny and I together, we got sucked in.
I wanted to know like why are y’all so obsessed with this stuff? And then they took us in and they got us into the whole park and the whole experience and the stories and we decided to get into it too for that reason. So fast forward to today.
Yeah, I really do enjoy Disney. I don’t like that it’s so cost prohibitive and it’s one of those things where it’s like we were talking about this Danny and I, it’s almost as if, you know, imagine you live in this world where going to Disney is the expectation for a child. How many people can afford to go to Disney?
Some people save their whole life and can’t go. So it’s a little upsetting in that regard thinking of the brand and what it takes to be a part of the experience and get sucked into it or want to get sucked into it and be able to. So in that regard, I struggle with the idea of Disney.
But as far as going to Disney and the brand and all that, like, I mean, I like it. I think it’s pretty, I think it’s fun. You know, it’s something magical about it, I suppose.
I’m just curious. What about you? What are you up to?
You…
[Ben:]
I’m too jockey. You never know based on the week that you talk to me, do you?
[Giacomo:]
We started working together and you’re like, all right, well, just want to let you know, I’m moving to Texas. I’m like, what? We just finished talking about how we live next to each other and this is going to be cool.
And you’re like, oh, psych, I’m not moving to Texas. I’m like, oh, OK. Crisis averted because I had some little heart attack over there.
And then two months later, right after you were done competing and whatnot, all of a sudden you’re like, oh, by the way, I’m moving to North Carolina next week. I’m like. And all of a sudden you’re two months later, you’re coming back.
What’s going on? Are you having a midlife crisis? But you’re not.
It’s too young for that, you know.
[Ben:]
It’s a quarter life crisis. No, I think what it is, is just one, I think when you’re in prep, the rationality and the impulsiveness, the rationality goes down, the impulsiveness goes up and you get these great ideas of, oh, I should do this or I should do that. And so that’s something that I’m learning.
But then even coming out of that and just kind of reflecting on where am I at in life? What have been going on the past couple of years? I felt like I just needed to get out of the space that I was in and do that in a way where I felt was financially responsible.
So it took me a little while to find a way of doing that and find a place that I could see myself living here for a period of time. And so I signed a lease in Raleigh for 15 months and after being there for a couple of months, I realized a couple of things that I think will influence the way that I live my life going forward. And part of that was realizing that I don’t actually like feeling as though I have to be in a certain place or feeling tied down to a certain place.
And I think it took me going to look at houses or apartments potentially to purchase. Then I’m like, OK, that’s way too much. Let me just try like renting.
And then, which I’ve done before, I did that when I was in college. I rented going to live a place basically completely by myself, don’t know anybody, but I just felt like I needed to get out of the environment that I was in and experience somewhere new and just have a change. And I can’t tell you exactly why I felt that way, but it was just kind of this deep feeling of I need to go somewhere else.
I need to do something new. And then after being here for a couple of months, I think what I’ve realized is, OK, I like having my own space, but I also like being close to friends and family. And I have a ton of friends and family where I was born, where I grew up.
And maybe kind of the approach that I want to take is more the approach of having that home base and then traveling as opposed to living somewhere just completely different. And I think it took me getting out of that space and going to live somewhere new to kind of have that realization. So what I decided then was, OK, I’ll live here for a couple more months.
I’ll wait out the winter because winter in North Carolina is a lot more mild than winter in New England. So I’ll stay here for a couple more months to the end of March and then I’ll head back, head back home in April. So that’s kind of my current plan at the time, or at least as of right now, as we know, subject to change.
But that’s kind of the current plan.
[Giacomo:]
I don’t get a chance to catch up with you because we’re busy plowing with clients and competing and work and all kinds of stuff and fun stuff that we get to do together, too. But what I do like about your trajectory right now after you’re competing is that you seem to me to be focusing on things that have less to do with programming in an evidence based way on paper for nutrition and training. And you’re moving into the kind of conversations that I like to get down with as well that have to do with mindset, mental work, lifestyle work and all that stuff.
And then when I saw that you put your idea in the hat and you’re like, let’s talk about confidence, we were hanging out together when you threw that idea at us, I believe in the living room. I was like, oh, my gosh, Ben, I have been unsuccessfully for over two years trying to figure out how I could improve my mindset. And through doing the mental work, confidence is one of the things that I’m starting to really not just scratch the surface, not just peel back the onion.
But like, totally accept, understand, not just be aware of like what is going on with me and how do I get better at my own being confident in myself so that I can get so I can help others, but also just trying to understand. To your point here, that confidence is a really, really important thing to work on because you do become more competent at what you do and how when you’re a more confident person, not just in yourself. But like and how and making the right calls, how you program.
But you know what? I I’m doing this thing I do with Danny or I start in the middle. I start ping ponging all over the place and then I’m already at the end.
So let me just back up for a minute. And and you tell me what prompted you to put this idea on the table and be like, all right, let’s talk about this. What what is your opinion on confidence and how and why it’s important?
[Ben:]
This is an expression that I’ll use with clients sometimes, and that expression is competence builds confidence. And I don’t remember where it came from. I definitely heard it somewhere.
I definitely didn’t make it up myself, but it’s almost this chicken or the egg situation where it’s like, oh, just being confident in something then allow you to be competent or do you have to build that competence first to then feel confident in your abilities? It’s kind of like, you know, which one comes first. And to me, it really is.
OK, first doing an analysis of where are you at right now? Where are your skills? So what is competence?
Competence is kind of your ability to be successful, I would say, in a certain area, the skills that you’ve developed in a certain area. And if we take fitness as an example of this, there’s a lot of different areas where you could feel competent or not feel competent. It could be with training.
What is your knowledge of training? Have you been consistent with training over the past 5, 10 years or the past year even? Start with that.
Nutrition. What are your nutrition habits like? What do you know about nutrition?
Sleep. Do you have a solid sleep schedule? What’s your general life balance?
Do you have a good work-life balance? All of these things kind of tie in together. And for me, I’ll get people that come to me and they’re not confident in some of these areas.
And most of the time, it’s because they haven’t developed the skills necessary to be confident. So if you don’t feel like you have that self-efficacy, if you don’t feel like you are skilled in a particular area, you’re probably not going to feel all that confident in that area. So just using training as an example.
Let’s say that I have somebody who is really new to the gym. Maybe they’ve kind of been in and out of the weight room their entire life, but they’ve never really felt confident in there. Let’s just take a female, for instance.
Now, it’s becoming more common for women to lift weights to work out, but not always the case. And sometimes that can be an intimidating environment, stepping in the gym, even for males too. I’m just kind of speaking in generalities here.
But I think it can sometimes take, okay, we’re going to start working out at home. Maybe we’ve got some dumbbells, some bands, some stuff like that. Let’s just get you in a routine with lifting weights.
Okay, you’re a little bit timid here to use a little bit more weight, but I think you can. That’s good technique. Let’s build up your technique.
Let’s start progressively overloading. You’re starting to see the changes. You’re starting to feel more confident in your ability.
I can do this. I can execute the movements. I’m not going to get hurt.
It’s safe. Oh, I’m actually really liking this. Now I’m going to start going to the gym once a week.
I really like this. Now I’m going to start going to the gym three times a week. I started out in the cardio section.
Now I’m making my way over to the weight section. And you’re slowly building and building and building and building. And as you are building this skill, as you’re building this competence, your confidence in yourself is also improving.
So I think there’s so many examples of this, but it’s something that I see time and time again when I get someone who’s a little bit timid, a little bit shy, a little bit unsure of themselves, a lot of self-doubt, a lot of negative self-talk. And as we continue to build these skills and they see their body change and they start to get this sense of, oh, I can do this. I can make these changes.
It really has this cascading effect out to all areas of their life where they just become a more confident person. They continue to develop and hone those skills. And they just come into themselves more.
Is that something that you’ve seen with clients that you’ve worked with over the years?
[Giacomo:]
Yes. Another example that I see with clients over the years are the kinds of clients that come to you that are successful in many areas of their life, that are fully competent and capable of just about anything. And they feel good about what they’re able to do and what they’re doing.
Right? So you don’t want to push them or pick on them or dig into things because you don’t want to discourage them. But you have to get them to a place where they’re a little bit uncomfortable.
But unfortunately, when you get, and I know I’m getting a little philosophical here, but this is the mental work. I get the kind of client that comes to me and they’re like, everything’s okay. I could do it all.
Show me what to do. But you’re not getting the kind of feedback that you need from them. I’ll use myself.
I’ll pick on myself as an example. I have a hard time posing. I know that I should.
I know that I can. Now, deep down inside, I’m too uncomfortable to admit to myself that I have a problem with my body image. And that is part of the reason.
The other part of the reason it’s irrelevant right now, it’s because it’s like the lifter that doesn’t do stretching is the same thing as the bodybuilding lifter who doesn’t do posing. That’s one thing. I am a little lazy in that regard.
But it’s also because I don’t feel confident about the way that I look enough to start posing, even though I have no reason to not feel confident. I can’t admit to myself and then I can’t admit to my coach. So I’m finally at the point where like, you know what?
That’s my ego. That’s coming from a place of low confidence. What do I do about that?
I got to get over the fear and I got to get my coach and I got to trust him and I got to give him the feedback. Listen, coach, this doesn’t sound silly at all. There’s a mental block here.
I cannot pose because I also have a lack of confidence in myself. I’m giving my coach the feedback that he needs to support me and to help me get past this and start to think of ideas. So I find that I work with a lot of clients who are more into their ego and they’re like protecting the lack of confidence with their ego and they don’t get a chance to get to the other side and give me the kind of feedback that I need to support them.
And they miss out on the opportunity to do it. It’s I had a client who worked with me for like two years off and on. And it’s like it was almost impossible to get them to a place where I could get some conversation out of them about the things that they struggle with as far as like why it’s hard for them to eat a certain way and eat well enough to gain muscle.
Right. So these are like very sensitive conversations when it comes to people who are coming from a place of low confidence. Put it that way.
So I think I feel like it’s a delicate conversation to have with somebody getting them to talk about stuff when they’re uncomfortable talking about stuff because they have a lack of confidence. And that’s the kind of mental work and mindset work that I can’t really put a finger on. But that’s the stuff that I feel like I those are my clients struggles.
And that’s the challenge is getting them to a place where they trust me. They trust the process and they’re willing to be like, all right, this is the stuff I have a problem with. It’s because of the way I look.
It’s because of it’s because of, I don’t know, my lack of belief that I could change my body based on how anything or your examples, you know, the fear of going to the gym or whatever.
[Ben:]
So tying in kind of competence into the equation when you have these clients who may be on the surface appear to be very confident, they appear to be very strong in their convictions. However, when you dig a little bit deeper, you find, oh, OK, maybe there’s some things that are not being discussed that maybe they’re not opening, opening up to their coach about. And I definitely think that there can be mental and mindset work that ties into competence.
Like how, how well do you feel like you are able to develop that self-talk, which then leads to that confidence? So I guess kind of my question for you would be, how do you cultivate that competence with people on the mindset side to encourage them to, hey, it feels like you are portraying this. Of course, you might not say this directly depending on the person.
It feels like you’re portraying this amount of confidence, but you’re still like, I see that you’re struggling in this area. And I know that you are telling me like what you’re telling me is, oh, I can do it. I can do it.
I can do it. Just tell me what to do, coach. I’ll do it.
But there’s a disconnect here. How do you get people to kind of think a little bit deeper and dig a little bit deeper and ask those questions in order to help them like develop that confidence or that competence on the mental side? And I know it does get a little bit fuzzy here as you kind of like start to, you know, delineate between, okay, what is competence and what is confidence?
Cause they really aren’t, they’re kind of one in the same. They’re very, they’re very similar terms, but I’m not sure if you have anything that comes to mind.
[Giacomo:]
Well, I, the place where I keep them at, I call it the safe zone is where I stick to routine and habit and discipline and consistency and praising the results and the progress. And I go back there whenever there’s pushback and a person’s just not ready to have the conversation. You can’t, you can’t get someone to meet you where you’re at.
You got to meet them where they’re at. And it takes some time for someone to get somewhere. That’s how you work with people and you get them to a place where they’re successful.
You could know something about somebody, you could see the writing on the wall, you could read the room and you could be there way before they’re there, or you could know they’re there, but they can’t quite get the words out. They can’t have the conversation. So conversation with you yet.
So it’s important to meet them where they’re at and to be supportive and to be patient. And no matter how bad you want it for them, you have to give it time. So that’s a thing for sure.
And again, leaning on the results and the routine and the consistency. The other thing that I think is just as safe is talking about reasoning. When you give people a reasoning behind why you’re doing what you’re doing with them, you give them the ability to understand what they’re doing.
Now they can go off on their own process and think about things and better understand how they feel about stuff. And perhaps they’re like, okay, they’re coming from a place where they’re like, now I understand it the same way that my coach understands it. Yes, we’re focusing on the bottom line, the results.
Yes, the program and the results are working. And of course, then they get a little more loose and trusting with their conversation with you. And you start to see some things, right?
Like I’ll get a client where they’re like, okay, well, I think I look too good on TV. That’s my problem. I’m like, oh, okay, what’s behind that door?
You know, and you start to open the door and you say, okay, they’re going to talk about it. They’re not regardless. Now, you know, and you don’t even have to direct it at them.
You could just talk about how, how like coming from that kind of place can cause you to have the blinders on and maybe you miss some things and we’re calling the wrong shots or we’re not calling enough of the right shots or we’re not getting enough of an understanding of what’s going on as an, as one example, right? So that’s the kind of, that’s where I go in my mind when I have a conversation with somebody instead of just like blurting it out and then directing it down. Because if you do that with somebody, the odds that they’ll are going to become defensive are high.
And if they don’t become defensive and they’re receptive, you may not get as far in that conversation as you’d like to.
[Ben:]
It’s really huge what you just mentioned right there. And I think it’s kind of that proverb or that analogy of like, you know, teach it. This isn’t a very huge vegan friendly expression.
Teach a man to fish. He’ll eat it for a day or like give a man officially for a day. Teach a man officially for a lifetime.
And it’s like, okay, if you just give that person a fish, they’re not going to be able to develop the confidence of knowing I can catch a fish and I can feed myself. Whereas if you provide the education that is building competence within that person, that’s building in kind of that knowledge. And then there’s less questioning of the plan as well.
Like, okay, if I, if I’m the coach who just says, I’m going to tell you what to do, just stick to it, just follow it because I’m the guru. I’m the expert. Listen to me.
That doesn’t really instill confidence in them. And it doesn’t instill confidence in yourself either because you then are using this person as a crutch. And you’re kind of the same unconfident person, but now you just have this drill Sergeant telling you what to do.
Whereas if you have a coach who, okay, this is what we’re doing. This is why we’re doing it this way. Oh, okay.
This is why we’re doing it this way. Okay. Like, you know, I have some buy-in now.
I have some trust in the process. I’m feeling more confident and I’m also developing that competence. So I think that natural progression then leads to the point where, hey, you know, a year or two working with a coach.
Now, this person is ready to go off on their own because they’ve developed those skills to the point where they feel like they can do it themselves. And that’s really big. Like, you know, that’s something that we try to cultivate and really like nurture in every client that we work with is the ability for them to feel like they know what they’re doing and then give them the skills to go out and do that for the rest of their life.
Because that’s really our goal with working with people is to not only just give them protocols, but to give them ways of thinking. It’s the critical thinking skills that then allow them to have more flexibility. Let’s say, if you just give somebody a meal plan and then they’re going out to eat or they’re going on a vacation, it becomes this thing of like, oh, I’m either on the plan or I’m off the plan.
Whereas if you give them this knowledge base of macronutrients, if you give them this knowledge base of this is what, you know, a kind of a balanced plate looks like, oh, I can manipulate the calorie density of my food based on what I’m selecting. And then they have these skills that doesn’t make them feel like they always need somebody who is telling them what to do. They can kind of figure it out themselves.
And when you have that thought in your head of I can figure it out myself, you are just by default going to feel more confident. So I think that’s really huge is kind of the educational component. So I guess when I’m thinking about areas of my life where I haven’t always felt confident, I haven’t always felt like I had the skills and kind of where that correlated in terms of my confidence, I’m going to try to think of like a concrete example here with fitness, because that’s what a lot of our listeners are used to.
Although you could apply it to finance, you could apply it to so many things. If I think about where I used to be with, let’s just go with nutrition or body image. When I first started lifting weights, when I first started working out, that wasn’t something that I felt confident about.
I didn’t know what to do with eating or for like, hey, I’d like to look a certain way. What does that mean on the nutrition side of things? I had no idea.
So of course, I wasn’t confident in my ability to be able to change my body. And you get a lot of people like that coming into coaching as well. They maybe have tried so many times, they feel defeated, they feel dejected.
They haven’t had the right education. But then as we give them that education, as they start to make those changes themselves, they turn into a completely different person. And that’s something that I’ve definitely seen within myself.
So I’d be curious to know, is there any example from your own life that stands out where you felt like, I’m so out of my league here in whatever this area is, and I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t feel confident at all. And then slowly, as you learned more about that area, you felt like you kind of became a different person in that. Can you think of an example like that?
[Giacomo:]
What we’re doing right now. Yes, when we started doing this, and it was a free for all, I was not afraid to show up. I was not afraid to put myself out there.
I was not afraid to build an audience. I was not afraid to have conversations. I was not afraid to do any of that.
But if I’m being perfectly honest with you, Ben, I kind of sucked at it. Where I didn’t have any sort of theatrical background. I’m not a very metaphorical person.
So I’m not really good at storytelling. So no acting skills, no storytelling skills. I was not particularly good at centering things around like what we’re doing right now, centering things, not coming from a place where I’m centering around ourselves and making stuff for our audience.
But I just kept going and going and going. And on top of it all, it was hard for me to put the kind of information out there that I wanted to put out there. I remember the first time I did something publicly.
We were in a basement right after doing a bodybuilding competition together, and we were like taking off our shirts and deposing. And I was so embarrassed and so ashamed. I was mortified.
I could barely even do it. I remember how uncomfortable I felt around others, even though I had every reason to be there because I was just not good at doing something like that just yet. Then another time, I remember when we were donating a check that we got from Plant Built to a farm sanctuary at a, what do you call it, at a veg fest.
And we had every right and every reason to belong there. I’m really good at putting the work in. I’m really good at letting the results speak for themselves.
But I was really bad at showing up and being the public facing person to talk about the results. And I just basically tripped up my own words, didn’t have much to say, wasn’t doing a good job engaging the audience. And it was very apparent.
My parents were there, and they were complimenting Dani on how good of a public speaker she was. And deep down inside, even though they weren’t going to say anything that was less than supportive to me, I knew that she was a much better public speaker than I. Right then and there, I’m like, oh, wow, I suck at this.
And we would have conversations in the imaginary green room and the actual green rooms where it’s like, it’s okay. You could do this. Again, I had the confidence in myself to do things.
I had the belief in myself that I could do things. I had the confidence to put the work in and to build what we do now. But I just wasn’t good at what I did.
And I just had to keep working at it. And over time, I got better at it. But yeah, that was something that I think I struggled at and just kept showing up for until eventually I started to get good at it.
Okay.
[Ben:]
I mean, that’s a huge two is just getting started. Even if you feel like, yeah, I could do this thing. So much of the time we feel like, oh, it’s never the perfect time or I’m at a place where it’s just, it’s not where I want it to be.
So I’m going to hold off right now. And it really is just getting started, showing up, doing that consistently. I mean, we talk about it so much effort and consistency, effort and consistency.
We sound like broken records, I’m sure to our clients. But it really is so true. And finding ways to develop those in people, of course, there’s kind of common themes and skills that we use as coaches to help them develop that consistency and trying to lower the barrier of entry with the amount of effort, because we don’t want to make things harder for the sake of it.
It’s already hard enough trying to change your body and do all the things that you need to do. So of course, there’s skills that we can use, but you are going to have to kind of cultivate that mindset of, okay, I’m just going to try to do my best every single day and keep doing that and keep doing that and keep doing that. And it’s not it’s not sexy.
It’s not the thing that people want to hear, but it’s the truth. It’s how you and I got to where we are today in areas of our life that we feel competent and we feel successful in. So I think if you are wanting to be more confident in an area of your life, body image is a huge one.
I mean, probably 90% of people that come through coaching, I mean, including pretty much, I would say coaches in general, 90% of them as well, struggle with some sort of body image, period. So it’s not something that you ever necessarily get over, but it’s something that you learn how to cope with, you learn how to deal with, and hopefully you’re able to build that confidence in yourself over time by knowing, hey, I have the skills. Like talking about how many fat loss phases and building phases have we been through in our lifetime?
Like, you know, enough to feel like, okay, at this point, I know what to do. Like it’s like flipping a switch, right? Like, okay, I’m going this mode, I’m going that mode.
That’s not to say that there should be drastic differences between the two, but it’s just like, we know what to do, right? We have the confidence that, hey, if I needed to get to this way at a certain time within reason, of course, I can do that. And I know how to do that.
And that gives us confidence in the fact that, hey, you know, maybe I don’t love everything about how I look right now, but if I really want to, I can kind of dial things in if I’m a little bit more consistent in this way or that way. And I think that if you’re able to develop that yourself where you feel like, hey, if I need to lose some body fat or I want to build a little bit more muscle, I have the skills where I feel like I can do that. And that builds confidence in yourself.
And then also, I think having done these different phases and seen our bodies in so many different ways, you start to develop a little bit more neutrality towards it where it’s like, hey, I can appreciate kind of the way I look. Maybe I have a preference of my body looking this way or that way. It’s okay.
I can still be confident in who I am as a person and not tying the way I look to my self-worth. And it’s a continuous kind of evolution and thing that sometimes you struggle with more than others, especially if you’re coming out of a contest prep or something like that. But I think that it is something that you can definitely improve upon over time is that body image and that confidence.
It’s just because I’ve seen it so many times with people that I work with where they come in and they’re barely talking to me. I have to try to pull so much out of them with questions and digging here or there, a little push, but not too much to the point where they close off. And it’s definitely a skill.
But then it’s like as they continue to see some progress and they continue to build that trust in themselves, in myself as a coach, in our relationship, like you said, they’re opening up, they’re sharing more things, and they’re becoming more confident. And they kind of just blossom into this person where, hey, I now feel like I have control over this fitness thing. I have control over this aspect of my life.
And that makes me feel good. That makes me feel confident. My clothes are fitting better.
I mean, that’s a win that we hear all the time, right? And that builds confidence for sure. Most people want to feel good and looking good is a component of that as well.
Because if you don’t, to an extent, are okay with the way that you look, you’re not going to be as outwardly confident in those social scenarios and circumstances. Another thing that I hear from people all the time, oh, just the fact that my clothes fit a little bit better makes me more confident in social settings because I feel just more myself. I feel more secure.
So I think that’s definitely something that isn’t to be overlooked or undervalued. So I would say if you’re wanting to build confidence in an area of your life, start where you stand, start where you are right now, and think about what are the little steps that I can take to get a little bit better to build the skill, whether that be pulling someone into your corner, like a coach, whether that be doing some self-education, like listening to Muscles by Brussels Radio and checking out the Vegan Protein’s YouTube channel.
Whatever it might be, these are the things that are going to help build those skills so you do feel more confident. You start practicing. But that’s really the main thing.
You can have all the knowledge in the world. You have to put it into practice and you have to just show up and start. And you’ll slowly improve and get better.
And as long as you continue to be honest with yourself and where you’re at, the effort that you’re putting in, you have people in your corner who either hold you accountable or who you can trust to be valid input. Again, whether that’s a coach or a friend or a family member, a gym buddy, whoever it is, I think that that really gets you started on that path towards being more confident in that area.
[Giacomo:]
Yes. And then, of course, the better you get at something, unfortunately, what winds up happening to many people is that the better they get at that thing, the less confident they become because now they realize that they don’t know what they don’t know. And that’s a whole other problem, unfortunately.
And I feel like that is a hard thing when it comes to fitness coaching, because if everything was untouched, they might have regrets and feel sad or be apathetic about wherever they’re at. And then they have the confidence to make a change. And they hire a coach.
And through fitness coaching, all of a sudden, now they realize all of the insecurities, the things that they want to work on and their potential, but also their limits. And they start to pay more attention to what they’re doing. And now they start to realize, OK, well, wow, there’s a lot that I don’t know.
And there’s a lot that I can’t do right away. And there’s a lot that I need to know. And that’s another thing that I find that happens as well.
If you don’t touch it, you can maybe bury the sadness and be a little apathetic and just accept. But now you’re ready to make a change. And you start doing it.
And then you’re like, oh, gosh, now what? Now I can’t believe how much further I have to go or how much more I need to know. And I think that could be a frustrating thing after you get past what we call as coaches, the buy-in phase, where things are happening super fast.
You’re getting super strong. And you take off a little bit of a little bit to a lot of bit of weight and your body fat and the muscles coming on after that. Now, how do you start to go further along?
Or the another example that I think is the person who is doing all the things, but they’re maybe not doing all the right kinds of things. And you have to like sort of dismantle and be like, wait a minute, OK, you’re a highly capable, high achieving creature. But you’re going about it, you’re you’re going about it in a way that’s not going to get you the results.
And then you start picking one, picking out one thing after another and like, oh, gosh, like, you know. So it’s interesting how you get into your process with clients. And after the fact, when there’s like that initial romance phase where they’re happy with the results, where they can sort of have a little bit of lack of confidence in their ability to do it.
But hopefully there’s enough trust there between them and their coach where they’re like, yes, my coach is going to guide me, lead me into the right direction, set me up with a sustainable process on my own, where I can, as you mentioned earlier, have the critical thinking skills to do this thing and to understand how to continue to experience personal growth and success and consistency with however far they want to take things as far as their fitness is concerned.
[Ben:]
I hear you. I think in that buying phase, oftentimes you do need some level of external validation to know that what you’re doing is working, whether that be the fat loss or seeing some more definition of muscle strength going up in the gym, whatever metrics you’re using to evaluate that. But I think over time, in order to stay in it for the long term, you have to kind of find those deeper, more intrinsic reasons to keep you showing up, to keep you consistent, to keep you building that competence and building that skill.
Otherwise, if you start to stagnate, you start to plateau or you start to get discouraged, I think those things oftentimes will come hand in hand with one another. Then you can start to feel that confidence, I think, slip away. Oh, what I’m doing isn’t working anymore or it’s just working a little bit slower.
I think that’s another conversation that we have pretty often. It’s just kind of tapering expectations and just understanding, hey, it is, again, talking back, showing up consistently, trying to get a little bit better every single day and just knowing that things are going to ebb and flow. You’re going to have times where it’s easier or more difficult.
Things are going to slow down, but there are ways that you can keep moving forward. The more process-oriented you can become, I think, again, the more confident that you’re going to be because you’re focused on just getting a little bit better every single day instead of saying, I need to get to this arbitrary point in order to feel confident in myself. I think it can start as that, like, hey, it would be nice to get the six pack or it would be nice to look like this model.
But ultimately, I think along the way, if you want to continue to do this fitness thing, you have to find a way to just do it for the sake of it in order to keep showing up because you either don’t get to that point or you do get to that point and you get to that point and you say, oh, shit, what’s next now? Because I got to this point and I didn’t think I would and you just don’t know where to go from there. So, I’m thinking confidence and confidence.
Anything else that you feel like we didn’t cover that you want to say on the topic?
[Giacomo:]
Nothing is coming to mind for me. I don’t think that this is going to be our last conversation about confidence. And I hope that you as a listener, while you’re ruminating on this conversation, that you help us better understand how this kind of conversation affects you.
I hope it gets you thinking. I really do. And I would love to hear your thoughts on it.
And I hope it helps. Anything else you wanted to share, Ben?
[Ben:]
Just for the sake of showing that coaches, too, have things that we want to work on, an area that I’m trying to develop more confidence in this coming year and develop more confidence in, I would say, is social settings. I would like to develop confidence in going out and meeting people and being okay with the awkwardness or the discomfort that comes with interacting with strangers in a place that you don’t know, in a place where you don’t know as many people, and being okay with that and leaning into that. So, that’s an area that I know I would like to develop some more confidence and then, therefore, some more confidence in.
And I’ve started down that path. And it’s small steps. But I’m doing my best to continue doing stuff like that as time goes on.
And I think that’s all I have to say. I’m not sure if there’s any areas that are coming to mind for you that you are looking to kind of develop some more competence on as we enter into this new year. But that’s what’s coming to mind for me.
[Giacomo:]
Oh, gosh. Definitely the posing thing. Ironically, I don’t feel like I give my coach enough feedback, even though I am a coach.
And I insist that my clients give me that kind of feedback. I feel partly responsible for that dynamic, that relationship with my coach. So, I think I’m going to get better at trusting my coach, regardless of how I react and regardless of how he responds.
So, I think I’m going to try to be a little more open with my coach, with people in general. I tend to internalize what I think and what I feel a lot. And I think it shoots me in the foot.
So, I’m going to work on that. I’m going to do that kind of mental mindset work this year. But as far as like an actionable thing, a nice simple thing, I got to pose, Ben.
I got to get better at posing. I got to practice way before I compete again, as opposed to when like anything else. It’s like before you get into a cut, right?
If you don’t work on your sleep, what’s going to happen when you’re four, six weeks into a cut? You’re not. You’re just not.
You’re just not. Whatever you want to do before you start something, you got to start working on it right away. So, that’s where my head’s at with stuff.
All right, friend. I’m going to bring it home because housekeeping is knocking on the door over there. And I totally ignored them.
And that’s kind of rude. And we got to get back to it over here and prepare for Run Disney. But I’m so excited that we had this conversation.
And I’m grateful for you for recommending this topic, because this is a really, really important one. I know it’s not going to be the last time we talk about it. All right, everyone.
Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of Vegan Proteins, Muscles by Brussels radio. Stay in touch with us on all the socials at Vegan Proteins and at Muscles by Brussels. Hit the contact button on veganproteins.com.
Inquire about coaching. You will hear from us right away. Once again, my name is Giacomo.
[Ben:] I’m Ben.
And we’ll talk to you soon. Bye!
